Does anyone out there have any idiosyncrasies (damn thats a big word) about their wives that really kind of drive you nuts?  I’m talking about the things that you would probably really miss if she were gone.  I have to say, I have a lot more than three, but I am trying to limit the damage I’m going to do to myself by writing my wife’s flaws for the world to see.  To be fair, I am certainly a total pain in the ass, and I’m sure my wife could write a book about my flaws!  And to my loving bride, you know I love you, but the smart ass in me just has to poke fun.  I know you’re not afraid to jab back either.  OK here goes.  Boy this is dumb – nothing like self flagellation!

1.  She brushes her teeth in the car!  Yes folks it is true.  I don’t know where in hell she bought these little disposable toothbrush things, but every time we get in the car lately she whips out a frigging toothbrush thing and starts brushing her teeth!  What the heck?  Is it that hard to brush your teeth in the house?  Also I am just thinking about this now, but where does the spit go?  Ewww.  Nuff said on that.

2.  She throws trash in the sink.  If you know my wife, then you know that she does everything at 100 miles per hour, especially the things that she doesn’t enjoy, like cooking dinner.  So when she’s cooking dinner she wings wrappers, packaging, and all kinds of other crap in the sink.  For some reason this totally drives me insane.  I don’t mind mess at all, but when I can’t use the kitchen sink I go nuts.  With 3 kids in the house, and a “sink trasher”, the damned sink is always full of something.  The trash barrel is only about 3 feet away from the sink!  Come on!

3.  She picks at pimples/errant hairs with no warning.  As some of you know, my wife is a twin.  In fact she writes a blog about twins called Twins With Tots.  Well in Cathy and her sister Rebecca’s world, it is just fine to pick at each other, pimples, hairs, blemishes, whatever.  They are all fair game with these two.  They can be having a conversation, and one of them will scrape a zit off the others face, and they just don’t miss a beat!  Totally gross.  Well I guess my wife didn’t know that this behavior is strange to most people, because she seems to think it is ok to do the same thing to me!  I have to say, she has gotten better over the years. This is due in large part to getting her hand slapped about 500 times every time she pulls this shit with me.  I’ll just be sitting there minding my own business, next thing I know I’m missing a hair on the back of my neck, or a pimple gets scraped off me with a fingernail!  Owww!  I swear I want to kill her every time she does it.  I just don’t think she can help herself.  She is like those apes you see on television picking things off each other.  Good God!

Ok so there are three little things that drive me nuts.  I have bitten the bullet, and I am sure I’ll be chastised by my bride for this post, hopefully online so I at least get some good comments about the post!  I would like to hear what drives you nuts about your spouse.  Please take a minute to share at least one thing that makes you nuts about your partner!

Lovingly,

The Husband

Ok big news.  I am getting a woodburning insert for my fireplace.  I know this might not sound exciting, but the impact that this will have on my heating bill ought to make me happy.  That coupled with an abundance of wood around from Hurricane Irene make for pure bliss!  Now I have never really split much wood by hand up until recently.  I’m way too cheap to pay $1300 for a log splitter, so I went out and got a $25 maul from Harbor Freight Tools, and have been whacking away at it by hand.  I have decided that this has brought me to a new level of manhood!  I have really been missing the boat!  I can’t tell you how great it feels to take a two foot diameter log and smash the damn thing into little pieces.  If you had any piss and vinegar in you before you split a pile of wood, it is definitely gone by the time you get through it.  The first day my girly hands got 4 huge blisters on them that took about 2 weeks to heal.  I went out last night and whacked some logs again for the first time.  I split about a 1/4 of a cord in about an hour, and some of it was big ugly stuff.  I am definitely improving!  Now I think one of the benefits of this whole wood splitting thing is that your wife remembers that you are a real man.  Every women loves when you come in the house reeking of chainsaw exhaust, and sweat from swinging an 8lb maul for an hour.  They also love to pick the wood chips up off the floor when you walk in the house with your half muddy/woody shoes!  But I’ll tell you what they really do like.  When you bring a few pieces of fresh split logs into the house, and build them a nice fire on a cold night, when they are feeling sick from a cold.  That is just priceless.  You are the caveman again!  I wonder if I can get away with dragging her around the house by her hair?  That would be so fun!   So ladies, if your man ain’t out there splitting his own firewood in lumberjack clothes, your missing out.  Go out and by him a maul, and tell him to get his ass in gear!